Ever feel like you are so focused on making everyone happy, that you forget how to live your life? Instead of being true and authentic to yourself, you follow the “supposed” path.
I’ve been there and I have the scars to prove that! But you know what? It is too short. These are some suggestions that will help you live to the fullest without the burden of everyone else’s expectations.
What does it mean to live your own life?
Living your life is about having the courage and conviction to follow your heart. This will look different for everyone.
Sometimes it’s about going all-in and taking bold, unimaginable actions towards impossible goals. Sometimes, it’s quiet rebellion like refusing to and returning home for a cup of tea.
True self-respect can mean being honest, open and vulnerable. Although you may be embarrassed or rejected, it is possible to remain true to yourself and not live “what if”/ “what could have been”.
It is not about being perfect or getting everything you want. But it is about listening to your voice before it gets lost in the noise of others.
Five Ways to Live Your Own Life
1. Don’t wait for permission
The most important thing I have learned is that no one can give me permission to live my own life. Friends and family can help me change things, but ultimately I must take responsibility for my actions.
It’s not about imagining a world where everyone is able to get what they want by just working hard enough. It’s about being honest with oneself, knowing what you are doing wrong, and taking action, even if you don’t believe in yourself.
2. Recognize that you won’t please everyone
This is logically obvious, right? Dita Von Teese said it best:
“You can be the most ripe, juiciest peach, but there will always be someone who hates peaches.”
But, despite all this knowledge, it’s hard to disappoint people or face criticism even when you know what is best for your health. Approbation is what makes us feel secure, so it’s natural to feel afraid or uncertain if we don’t get it.
This is when I take the time to reflect on my values and priorities in my life. It is easier for me to see the bigger picture when I am more connected to what is important.
A second tip is to write down the sacrifices that you make for others’ needs. Sometimes it is necessary to have it all clearly stated before you can understand it.
3. It’s impossible for anyone to live a happy life and not get hurt.
I thought I could control my emotions when I was younger. When I wasn’t traveling, I was always busy shopping and working. After a hard childhood, I wanted to avoid all the painful emotions.
Here’s the truth: Avoiding emotions can lead to missing out on both the good and the bad. It felt almost like I was on autopilot. Although I could avoid hurt feelings, I also know that I was missing out on a lot joy.
Dr Susan David would tell you that I had “dead person goals” because “Only dead persons never get unwelcome or inconvenienced by the feelings of their emotions.” (This is a quote taken from her TED Talk which I highly recommend.
It’s not an easy task, but I have found the greatest joys in my entire life by putting myself out there, despite the risk of hurt, failure, or disappointment.
4. Make space for self-discovery
Long time ago, I believed I knew what I wanted from life, but in reality I hadn’t really thought about it. Instead, I chased a vague idea for success heavily influenced my surroundings and the people around me.
I was losing touch with my self, and that is why I felt unhappy. It didn’t matter what I did or how many possessions I had. Because I didn’t know what “enough” meant, it never felt like it was enough.
I have since discovered that I am not the only one who is struggling with self-awareness. It takes effort, time, and space to get to know yourself again.
5. Accept a beginner’s mind and always learn
Living true to yourself is a process. It’s not something you can do one time and then move on to the next thing.
It’s all about trying new things, making mistakes, having fun, being messy and taking risks. It’s important to admit that we don’t know everything, and to believe that it’s okay to make mistakes.
Be curious and embrace a beginner’s mindset. You can do more of what interests you without worrying about the end result. There is no failure because you are learning about yourself, your values and your dreams–all that makes you tick.
It’s also about figuring out how it all works. While we can learn from others and make mistakes, ultimately we must test everything. There are many ways to get to where you want to be. It’s more about the journey than it is the destination. Even if you do get lost along the way, don’t give up on finding the best path for you.
