2009 is the year. It’s 6 a.m. and I’m driving home from Black Friday sales.
Although I don’t recall what I bought or how much, I do remember feeling sick to my stomach. I felt full of guilt, shame, and regret.
Although the sun was just rising, I was already aware of my poor choices. I had spent more money than I could afford on items I didn’t want. As I thought about it, I felt anxious and I quickly resented.
Instead, I thought about my bargains and how my friends would be impressed by my new finds. If only I could convince them, maybe I could convince me.
I was a shopaholic who became minimalist. It turned out that I could not stop compulsive shopping . These are the three things that you can do to avoid buyer’s regret and help prevent it from happening again.
What is Buyer’s Response?
It’s a lot of fun to spend money and go on a shopping spree. Until it isn’t.
Buyer’s regret is the overwhelming feeling of guilt, shame or regret after making a large purchase. It can be noticeable as soon as your credit card is handed over. It’s obvious that it’s excessive, but it is too late to leave. You just have to accept it.
Sometimes it sneaks up on your. It’s a great feeling, a shopper’s high from your purchases. Until the next day. A deep feeling of fear fills your chest when you wake up the next morning. This is why the “shopping hangover” term was coined.
The Psychology of Buyer’s Resentment
Common theory is that buyer’s remorse could be due to cognitive dissonance. While we believe that we are one type of person, someone who makes intelligent, intentional purchases, then shopping binges or excessive spending challenge our beliefs.
I am not a psychologist so I do not know the inner workings the human mind. However, I have personal experience with years compulsive shopping and believe this theory to be correct.
I did not want to admit that I made poor choices with money. It was impossible for me to accept this to myself and others.
Instead, I chose to be a shopaholic. Because I love shopping, it wasn’t a problem. I was proud of the huge shoe collection and my shopping sprees. I chose to spend more than I needed to.
This story was comforting. Because my actions aligned with who I claimed to be, the cognitive dissonance disappeared or was at least reduced.
Here’s the problem. My mindless shopping habits were preventing me from living the life I wanted. I realized that my “love” for shopping was a ruse to keep me safe. This is why shame, guilt, and regret kept coming back.
These are the three things you should do to deal with buyer’s regret and prevent it from happening again.
How to get rid of buyer’s remorse
The first is damage control.
You should return any money you have spent.
This is hard, I know. It can be difficult to return to the shops, or to walk across the town to the postoffice. It takes energy and time. It is a difficult thing to return something if you have made a poor choice. (Remember, cognitive dissonance?)
It is much easier to convince yourself that you “love” your purchase. You probably know deep down that you won’t wear those heels or that the dress is too small, but your inner voice may convince you otherwise.
You begin to list all the places certain you’ll wear these shoes. You might tell yourself that you are only a week away from losing those “last five pounds”. It was also a great deal! It is best to keep everything just in case.
This is what you should remember if you find yourself telling tall tales. Trust your gut. Listen to your instincts. Return your purchase to the shop.
What if you are unable to return the item? You don’t really want to.
If you are unable to return it (perhaps it was a last sale), but you know that you won’t use it, get rid it immediately. It shouldn’t be kept in your closet for more than five years.
To keep clutter around can lead to a number of health problems, including mental and emotional ones. Most things lose their resale value over time. You also have to worry about cleaning, caring for, and guilt over your purchases. Let go of the guilt and let it go.
If you really want to keep it, don’t beat yourself up. Obsessing about a purchase is not a good idea, even if it was a bad one. Shame will stop you moving forward (more about that later).
You have two options for now: forgive yourself or let go.
Next, learn from your errors.
While you cannot change the past, you can learn from it.
It’s common to shop too often or spend too much because it helps us cope with difficult emotions. You might feel insecure about your body so you shop for clothes you believe will “fix” it.
You might have had a bad day, or perhaps you were unable to cope with a stressful dinner with extended relatives. You can “let off steam” by going to the shops.
Environmental triggers can also lead to impulsive and overspending. A favorite influencer shows you a new lipstick or a gift she bought for her daughter. You find yourself reaching for your smartphone and hitting “add to cart”.
No matter what the reason you shop, self-awareness will always be your friend. Don’t get mad at yourself for what happened. Trust me, this will only result in you closing down and taking the defense.
Instead, practice compassionate curiosity. Why are you buying stuff that you don’t use? You will feel empowered to make changes if you become more aware of your behavior.
Recognizing your patterns can help you feel less shame or guilt. You are not “broken” nor “stupid”. You are just human and struggle with the same things as everyone else.
Make a plan.
Take a deep breath and forgive yourself. Then, look for compassion ways to improve in the future.
Can you make a plan for yourself if emotional triggers cause shopping problems? Instead of turning to shops for help, journal and spend time outside.
You can also review your personal boundaries. Are you unsure if you should unsubscribe from or unfollow someone? Perhaps you can let others know which discussion topics are off-limits?
There is no single answer. It may take some trial and error or professional support. It’s okay to not aim for perfection. You can approach your life as a big experiment.
Try to be better the next time. If you fail, remember that it is a learning opportunity. Keep going back to compassion curiosity. It won’t lead me astray, I promise.
Are you prone to shopping hangovers or buyer’s regrets? What was your approach? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
